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07 January 2011 @ 11:13 am
Today I lost a dear friend. Jet. A Masculine black cat, with green/yellow eyes. He was big, but skinny. No matter how much i fed him, he would never gain weight. He had a scraggly meow, and didn't hesitate to speak if it meant some attention. He used to always hide when people would come visit until I moved out and got my own place. There, he became quite social. He was 20 years old, and had looked great until last fall around when i had to move back home. I think he missed rascal. He was a lover boy, always wanting to be in someones lap getting some love. He loved ham enough to beg for it. He'd even eat it right out of your hand. He liked cheese, and canned mushroom juice. He was never much of a mouse hunter, but could catch lizards no problem. Over the last few years, he learned to meow in two distinct syllables, in an kitty approximation of 'Hel-lo'. And would always wake up and great me with it when I got home.

He was old and hadn't been doing well. I tell myself that nothing could've been done, but i can't help feeling that taking him to the vet sooner would've been better. He practically died in my arms. Right before they came to take him to the exam room, he was spasming in my lap, and when they took him, I knew I'd not see him living again. I wept.

I almost couldn't take him to the vet, but I couldn't prolong his suffering on account of my feelings. I held him for an hour before I made the call, and carried him in on a soft blanket. He rested his head on my hand. but he was dying, and he knew it. As I carried him to the car, I paused to let some snow fall on him. He always wanted to go outside, but I could never let him for fear of what might happen to him. He raised his head for a moment, and looked around before laying it back down, resigned. Again, I wept.

All the way to the vet, i almost never took my hand off him. Stroking his head, checking his heart, giving him every last bit of love that I could before the end.

Last night he must have known he was going soon. He came downstairs and stayed close for quite some time. Always laying where he could keep a paw, or his tail touching me. He even slept in my lap one last time before hobbling back upstairs from where he hobbled no more.

I keep looking around, expecting to see him again. I want to go up stairs and yell, 'Kitty, Kitty!', but i know there will be no answer. No scraggly 'meow' in response. No thump as he jumps down to the floor to meet me. No long tail to pull. No fuzzy ears to rub behind. No feline jaw to rub beneath. No loving eyes to return my gaze. I'm all alone now. I've lost the empathic bond we shared. I miss him more than I've ever missed anything. I loved him. My cat he was. His human was I.

I loved you, and miss you already cat that taught me to meow. Jet Black Mattiuz. You were a king of cats. You lived well, and will always be remembered by many. You touched our lives, but you're free now of this. Sail among the stars, and know you are loved.
Kinda feeling : crushedcrushed